I felt sorry for her.

At least I think that is how I felt about her. 

Sure, there were times when I didn’t feel that way, but then, if you knew the circumstances I knew, you probably would agree that they stood in my favor if I didn’t feel that way about her.

It’s just that some days, the way she went about her life rubbed me wrong. 

Okay.  She did have it bad.  Her mom died when she was 16 and she was left with caring for the family, since she was the oldest of 6 siblings. 

I suppose the life she was subjected to while still at home made her anxious to get away from it all.  At least that is how it looked to me when that good for nothing young man came along and started trying to woo her. 

Anybody with a lick of common sense could see what he was out for.  He had never learned to work; one of those yuppie types.  She had every quality he didn’t have—beauty, a chaste life, good work ethics, and, even if they were desperately poor, had the ability to save a few coins now and then to help along with her dad’s expenses.

Of course she fell for him.  They got married and it wasn’t long, and he was off, galivanting his life away with hard playing and hard drugs.  She dutifully kept the home fires burning for his intermittent, stop-by-on-my-way-through visits. 

I didn’t know if to be relieved or grieved for her when he partied too late one night and was killed in an accident on some lonely road.

Yes, she had two little boys to try to raise on her own, and I knew that was going to be a challenge, for sure if either of them had inherited any of their father’s good for nothingness.  But I figured the rest of us would be around to help financially when the need arose.  In fact, not that I want it known around town or anything, but I set up an automatic transfer to her bank account from mine for $50 a month. 

Anonymous of course.  She never knew it was me.

I figured that little bit of cash might ease some of the hard times and grief she was going through.  I couldn’t figure her out.  Seemed like she spent an awfully long time grieving that good for nothing husband of hers.  I never could see what she saw in him; must have been something more than I saw, that’s for sure.

Well, time has moved along, at least for some of us.  Not so much for her.  She would make an attractive picture if she would sew up some newer fabric into one of the more stylish patterns I see the lady folks wearing these days. 

Oh.  And her boys? 

So, let’s just say with me being on the school board and all gives me pretty much a weekly interaction with them.  And it’s just like I could have predicted.  Those boys are trouble.  It’s been more than once that I’ve had to go deal out a little bit of tough love to get things back on track.  It pretty much tears the heart out of me though, the way those little guys cling to me during those times. 

I must say, though, that their mom has courage and some sort of determination.  I suspect you’d have to, if you lived in her shoes. 

I don’t quite get why she does some of the things she does; seems like a tradition from earlier days.  It’s often that she’ll have a few of us over for a meal.  Knowing how little she is able to pay on her school tuition, I don’t see how she scrapes by. 

We men know that when we go there for a meal, we aren’t coming away full to the brim like we do when we eat out with our friends some Saturday evening uptown.  No, she has that meal figured down to what is good and healthy for a person and that’s about what you get.  And it’s not your rich food either.  Always stuff you know was on sale that week in the local grocery store. 

Like I say, she’s a bit out of style in that area.  Our set likes to meet uptown for a meal.  Gives you more space and lets your money show you care, which is a bit more of the norm these days.

I haven’t thought about her for a week or two now.  Glad I have that $50 set in place for when the rest of my life gets too busy. 

The reason I haven’t thought of her, is because there is talk of adding on to our church.  I’m all for it.  But it does come at a rather inconvenient time for me.  Our business is really booming, and I had just purchased some equipment to enhance our bottom line.  I’m not sure how I’ll make the donation that I’d like to make for the church. 

Sure, nobody else will see the size of it, but I have a personal goal I like to meet each time there is a chance to give monetarily.  Do well, give well, live well—that’s the motto our set goes by, and I aim to live up to it as much as I can.

*****

This church addition thing has me losing sleep. 

Finally, around 2 this morning, I fell into a fitful, dream addled sleep. 

I still see everything in that dream so clearly.

We were at a gathering of some sort.  All my friends were there, and I noticed that she and her boys were there also. 

I hadn’t been there for an hour before I noticed there was a stranger among us.  He really wasn’t a stranger though, by looks he fit in very well. 

I stepped over to introduce myself and my family and found him very congenial to be around.  Seemed I was attracted to him a little more than normal, for some reason. 

It wasn’t long before I saw that others felt the same way, and it soon became an unspoken challenge with me to try to make friends with him before too many others did.  I offered a couple of times to take him out for a coffee at one of the better-known bistro’s in town, but it seemed he wasn’t too keen on it.  And as often as I would start engaging him in conversation, just as often he would break off to go visit with our widow lady and her two boys. 

And what’s more, those boys behaved flawlessly around Him.  It seemed His love reached and filled so many hollows in their little lives, sort of like they found in Him the father they had lost so many years ago.

I thought to myself, “If that Man knows anything about their dad and his shortcomings, He’d probably be careful just how much attention He gave them.”

There was a basket at the front of the food line to raise funds for our church project.  I had my check ready, even though I needed to swing a loan from another venture of mine to write it. 

I figured I’d hang back just a bit, so it wouldn’t look quite so conspicuous when I dropped it in. 

A lot of my friends had gone through the line already, and I could see the basket was brimming up, when I saw our lady take her boys and get in line.

It didn’t take a accountant to figure out what happened next.  I saw those two one-dollar bills fall from her work worn hands onto the heap of checks and large denomination bills already there and felt a pang of embarrassment for her.  I knew it was probably the last two dollars she had.

“Hmmm,” I heard from the Stranger standing at my side, as though speaking to Himself, “She just gave more than anyone else will give this evening.  It’s her love for her Father and her fellowman that multiplies it.  God bless her.” 

*****

“What a mistake”, I thought, as I awakened from my dream.  “What an total mistake I have made to think that love or favor can be bartered by the monies I have, or some good deed done”

And the more I think about that, the more I realize, in retrospect, just how much that poor widow lady gave and how, up to this point, how very little I have given.