When I told my good wife the title of this and what it might be about, I got THE LOOK.

I’m still undecided what the full meaning of that look was, although I am quite sure as to part of it.

And if the unknowns of her look are what I suspicion they might could be, then this easily may be the shortest blog I have ever written.

Because it should stop right here if the rest of that look says what I think it says.

I’ll press on, though, and should what comes next become a defining point of separation in our marriage, at least it has been publicly noted and witnessed, thereby making it possible for marriage experts to trace the trail back factually, thus enabling them to write better marriage counseling lessons for future generations to come.

*****

There is a mysterious ingredient that cooks the world over have been trying to find, perhaps for years now.  Culinary experts, such as my good wife, and my sweet daughters, have known there is something that makes all the difference in a perfectly cooked dish.

But they are left with their hands in the air when it comes to determining exactly what that something is. 

I’m suspicious the reason I got the look is that my good wife sensed I had discovered that something, and it sort of stuck her wrong because it should have been a woman who discovered it. 

So, it seems I’m betwixt the frying pan and the fire.  If I divulge this information, as I feel I unselfishly must, the ladies will have their way with me and in the end . . . well, maybe the end is too sorrowful to contemplate.

The secret to whether your dish of food is raved about or not is all in how runny it is.

There.  Even if I say no more, with that bit of info your reviews should start picking up, although not as much as if I give some more detail.

I’ll list some specific foods to get you started, and then, should you realize the benefits of that list and want to add to it, and want to share it with me, would be great.

Green beans—

Cooked in water with onion and bacon—too runny

Cooked in water with onion, water drained off and cream added—perfect.

Cooked in water with onion, water drained off and cheese melted in, nah.  Too thick.  For sure when they get cold.

Chocolate sauce—

Runny.

Cooked and boiled too long so that it gets hard when you pour it on your ice cream—nope.

It needs to stay runny so that it quickly melts past your ice cream and forms a large pool hidden from view underneath the melted ice cream.  That way you can keep pouring for a little longer before the sweet daughter quips—”Having chocolate sauce with your ice cream or ice cream with your chocolate sauce?”

Steaks—

Runny is best.  No ands ifs or buts.

They can’t juice out if you intend to cure them well enough should you need some patches for your shoes.

Take them off at 135 degrees.  125 is better.  And that juice in the pan?  It’s meat juice, not blood.  Okay?

Meat loaf—

Not runny.

Resist every urge to take it out when the sauce is still red.  Let it go longer until it turns brown all the way around the edge of the pan.  Maybe even a bit on the black side.  This assures the center and all parts of it are done perfectly and have substance to them.

Casserole—

Not runny.  Almost 98% of all casseroles out there need to be baked, taken out of the oven, cooled, and then reheated for a meal later on.  This gives great consistency and helps dry out any remaining pools that are hard to consume by themselves.

Soup—

Runny.  You might say that is sort of a duh point.  But actually, it’s not.  Chowders are horrible when they start cooling down and congealing.  Unless you have done them right and they stay runny all the time, don’t expect folks to be asking for your recipe.  Chili soup, whether white or red, is some of the best soup out there.  Keep the solids/liquids at a low ratio and you’ll do just fine.  Add too many solids, and you might have an improperly done casserole on your hands.

Pecan pie—

Runny.  It is so disappointing to cut into a perfectly looking pecan pie only to find it stiff and unyielding.  Take it out of the oven when it still jiggles, a lot, and it will ooze out on your plate in the most delectable manner.  I have a saying about pecan pie, but I get THE LOOK each time I say it.  It has to do with the jiggles part, but I’ll stop right there.

Beef stew—

Runny and with lots of pepper.  Pepper and runny are similar in their ability to become that mysterious ingredient.  Keep your beef stew runny and kicking with pepper, and you might as well open a restaurant.  Folks will keep coming back and begging for more.

Chocolate chip cookies—

Runny.  By all means runny.  Take them out when they aren’t quite done and within 20 seconds of taking them out, drop the pan two or three times on the counter before transferring it to the cooling rack.  The benefits of this twofold process are enormous.  It brings all the chocolate chips up to the top and makes them visible.  If you can’t figure out what the benefit of that is, then don’t worry about it.  

While I could go on for a while yet, perhaps this will suffice to open your thought process on the matter. 

I’ll be hiding out somewhere for a while now until I know the coast is clear on the home front.