Daughter of mine.

Recently, the calendar showed me that you had crossed this all-important threshold of age.

Which means, according to certain statutes set in place by this land, that now you can claim sole ownership of your person, mind, and opinions.

I suppose what I say next I should have said a long time ago.

Perhaps I did, maybe just not out loud.

And, I’m sure if I told you what I was going to say next, you would tell me, with your newfound independence, that you know what you know already and you don’t need my help on the matter.

That’s okay.

I’ll give you my thoughts regardless.

Because I know you’ll read this, if nothing else.

*****

I wonder how you would answer if I asked you what kind of marriage material you were looking for in guys.

And, I wonder what you think is necessary for yourself, should some guy look your way with marriage on his mind.

If you want someone who is worth their salt, look for whether they are kind to animals. 

And, I’m not talking the showy kind of kindness that they do just so the young ladies see them. 

Look for someone who the animals are comfortable around, or, even better, someone who the animals go sit by of their own accord.

Take note of who spends a little time visiting with your parents when you have your friends over for the evening.  He’ll be more likely to spend time with you later on, even when he has other things to do.

Don’t go for the guy with the most money, because, a) He may be living a sham to impress and really doesn’t have it, or, b) remember money is transitory, and may not be there later in life. 

It’s nice when the guys play with the little ones at your gathering, but it’s not a deal breaker if they don’t.  Some guys will play with the little ones just to try to impress. 

But.

If you see a young man who can kindly tell one of those littles to move along when they are being a pest, (because, trust me, they can be) mark him down as someone worth getting to know a little better.

Don’t scorn the fellas if they show off a little bit in front of you girls.  Take it as a compliment to your likableness; they deem you worthy of extra effort.  (I suppose if I am completely honest with myself, I show off a bit in front of you and your mother at times myself, for the same reasons. But then, you knew that already, didn’t you.)

Let the guys pay for your meal; don’t fight them for it, even if you are suspicious they may be paying for it with money they don’t have.

And then, put the amount that your meal cost into a savings account.  Do this every time someone pays for your meal.  You’ll never know how much your mother’s savings meant to me when we got married.

The money was more than necessary, with the way we started out, but her commitment to marriage, and that long before she met me, impressed me deeply. 

Oh.  And that meal you just let the guys pay for?  They notice what you order.  At least I did.  It’s okay to splurge once in a while, but expensive meals all the time can’t be maintained once you’re married.  Most guys know this all too well, even though they pay for your meal now without complaining about it. 

Don’t think you’ll impress the guys with 31 dresses and 27 pairs of shoes. 

Yes, I know they accent your beauty.  And yes, I know it makes you feel nice when you wear them.  Both are valid reasons to pay attention to how you dress. 

But overdone, and the guys are going to view you as a collateral hazard rather than a soul mate. 

You might try to use the argument that you won’t have to spend on clothing for a long time after you are married to justify how much you spend on clothes now, but I’ll ask you this.

Is this spending on clothing a one-time deal, or is it a pattern of the last few years?  And, may I ask, (discreetly of course) do you plan to stay the same size you are now for the next 5, or even 3, years? 

There are plenty of girls who run to help the hostess put on the meal or whatever is being served.  It’s fashionable to do so.

But your guy will watch to see who stays around to help clean up, when all the rest are off gallivanting around the ball court, lake, or wherever.

It may look like the guys are impressed with the girls who give them a good time at the drop of a hat, but your guy will want you around for the long haul, and he’ll for sure need you to share the bad times with him.

Finally, have fun, and enjoy your 21^st year.

Happy Birthday.  I miss you.