To begin on this subject begs for certain accusations from the gentler sex.

Because, a man in his right mind never tells a woman what to do; if he needs a change in what is going on, it is in his best interest to work the needed change into a suggestion that actually makes it appear like they thought of it themselves.

I’m definitely not savvy enough with psychology to know how to get that done in this subject.

But, seeing’s as how the sweet daughter plans to leave in about a month, and if all goes well will be gone for 9 extremely long months at a distance that takes 23 hours to drive, and seeing’s as how she suggested this subject, I’ll put this one on for her. 

She and I do fairly well in resolving arguments; I may be safe if nothing worse happens.

Perhaps we could say this is the sequel to a previous shot called ‘A Woman’s Purse, etc.’

Don’t—

Clean my wallet completely out.  But, to be right honest with you, it does make me feel pretty good when I see you’ve been in there, getting what you need.  Makes me feel important and necessary.  Just leave a little in there for when I’m really hot and I need a Mountain Dew asap.  It strains me a bit when I get to the counter and see I’m empty. 

Please don’t nag.  If I haven’t gotten done what you want done and you’ve asked a couple of times, it’s either because, 1. I forgot, 2. I procrastinated, or 3. I have something else that interferes, whether rightly or not.  Regardless of which reason it is, I need help with it.  Help me see what is getting in the way of getting your thing done by asking me questions that direct my mind into that channel.  Don’t forget that my mind works with one process at a time, two max, as compared to your mind being able to have 5 process’s going at once and all of them brought to a successful finish.  If you nag too much, my mind will automatically shut off the hearing sector (which happens to be super sensitive in males in nagging detection) in order to preserve the process already in place.

Don’t keep talking to me on the phone for any length of time if you sense I’m smoking to go.  I want to talk to you, but there are likely 57 other things in the picture, including a customer standing two feet away from me that I really can’t tell you about, or my hands are caked in mud and it’s smearing all over my phone, or, sweat is running freely about, temporarily closing off my ear canals and hindering my understanding of anything you say, to name a few.  If I’m the man I want to be, I’ll call you back when things have cooled a bit and we’ll chat for as long as you wish.  Just try to get over your tiff with me before I call back.   

Don’t flirt.  Unless you want to appear cheap, indecisive, and mildly disgusting. I know it looks like that is what the cool dudes like, but really, deep down, they don’t.

Don’t expect me to automatically cave in when you use the waterworks to get what you want.  (Because most of the time I automatically do cave in.)

If you are a youth girl, don’t snark at me first thing in the morning if you had a late night the evening before with your friends.  I don’t like to be a target for your inability to deal with lack of sleep.    

Don’t find fault with other people in front of our children; Don’t let me do that either.

Don’t let the house run down.  I’m talking within reason here.  But it does brighten my mood considerably when I step into a clean, tidy house.  I’ll understand immediately if it’s been one of ‘those days’ with the children or other things and it couldn’t be done.  I’m not talking about keeping it clean on those days.

Don’t spend ‘our’ money lavishly.  On the other hand, don’t be so fearful each time you go to Walmart.  The essentials will always need to be bought.  You don’t need to bear the onus of where the end of the month will find us.  That’s mine to worry about if you have been careful otherwise.

Don’t feel bad about stealing my food from my plate.  It tells me you approve of my choice, which is ego inflating.

Do—

Pick the lint off my suit.  On the way to church.  It proves to me I made the perfect choice for a partner.  I’m taken care of.  Pick it off in church and I feel like my mom just told me my ears were still dirty. 

Become interested in what I’m working with or doing.  Sure, it may be incomprehensible to you.  That’s okay.  They say a man naturally selects whom he thinks is the prettiest woman and endeavors to gain her approval.  You are my prettiest woman.  Even if you don’t have clue what I’m doing, find something you like about it and tell me.  It doesn’t have to be the same thing I like or the thing you think I want you to like.  What you like about it immediately becomes what I like about it when you say so.  Because . . . you are my prettiest woman when you say those things.  (That is, if you happen to be my good wife or one of my sweet daughters.)

Do tell me you believe in me.  Okay. I know I tried to be the macho guy back when we were young.  Every guy tries to be in some way or another.  But I was walking a thin string back then, and I still do today.  They say a man’s ego is the most fragile thing out there.  I’ll endorse that thought.  So, if I don’t hear your approval, I may start putting on a tough front.  But in reality, my macho front isn’t even skin deep.  It’s a paradox.  A man hides the very thing he needs most with the very thing he isn’t.  We’re crazy that way. 

Make my favorite meal.  But not too often that it becomes less than special to me.  You know the old saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?”  Yeah, well, think twice about making that stomach too expansive or it may become a heart all of its own that is rarely satisfied.

Let me protect you by being dependent on me.

Laugh at me when I act stupid, even if you’d rather be embarrassed.   Unless I’m being stupid for the wrong reason.  (God bless you with wisdom to know the difference)

Go with me, just ‘cause you want to, even if your work has stacked up.  I’d really hate to write in your obituary, “She always got all her work done,” and not be able to write about our fun little trips together.

Refrain from chastising me the moment I lose my temper or some other dastardly thing men are known for.  We know we’re scuzzy already.  Come to me later and ask if I want to talk about it.  If I don’t talk to you, then I’m not a true man.

Tell me it’s okay to take a day off, even if I insist that I think it is necessary for the budget to keep going.  Otherwise, I may self-destruct with work.

Let me tease you, but not too much.  Know how to draw the line so that we both can laugh at the end.

Do, if you are a youth girl, behave yourself wisely.  You’ll be convinced you will be the most unpopular girl out there, but every lasting youth guy will notice you more with that behavior than the other kind.

Do, consider most of what you just read as nonsensical, having very little applicable value.