My brother’s co-worker’s brother and his wife were coming home at midnight from a birthday party.

They were coming down the bridge on Kercher Road, when they spotted a turtle crossing the road. Being lovers of turtles(and all other animals), they turned on their four-ways and parked in the median. They sat and watched the turtle as it crossed the road in relative safety. But Woe, Oh Woe unto the turtle. The guard rail prevented the turtle from reaching its destination. The turtle tried several times to pass, but to no good.

The man and his wife decided to help the poor turtle. If he couldn’t climb the rail, he might try to recross the road. They climbed out of the van and crossed to the other side. The man reached for the turtle and was crossly snapped at. Oh, a snapping turtle. A very large snapping turtle. How could they help this? They returned to the van and looked for something, anything; something to scoop. Maybe a shovel? Alas, no shovel. Then, the wife remembered a car seat. She babysat and had a spare car seat in the van. The man retrieved the car seat and the wife secured her phone. She was going to video the helpful husband helping an animal to safety.

Well, they got the turtle over the edge and stood there, watching it calmly frolic in its freedom. As they stood there, they slowly realized what they just did looked very suspicious. A man and woman, with a carseat, on the side of the road, looking over the edge of the bridge. The van was still parked on the median and cars had been passing all this time. Hurriedly, they returned to the van and drove away. Just as they left the scene, a car pulled out from a nearby drive and drove after them. Oh dear, this was bad. So they drove all over Goshen, looping and back tracking and generally just roaming through the streets. Finally, they lost the car. They drove home.

When they got home, they sat in the van for a bit with the doors open when the man heard a rustle. He swung out to check on the noise. One step, and whoosh! Lights and cops everywhere. They were separated and questioned. In stressful times, the man’s brain tended to slow down. When the cops asked him what he was doing, he started out with, “Well..it was my birthday today. We went to my wife’s parent’s house to celebrate my birthday…”

He dragged it out.

While the police were questioning the couple, the firefighters and emergency workers were down by the bridge, searching for the child.

Luckily, his wife wasn’t so slow. When the cops questioned her, she said, “Oh I know what you want.”

“You do..?”

“I have a video!”

“Oh, you do?” More excitement.

The video was produced and the cops apologized. Everyone went to bed and slept soundly.

Linda Peachey, 2021

Written down as heard from J.P.