Now I know already that some of you are going to sniff at what I say next.  And that’s just fine.  Admittedly, there are some who slide up to the table with nary a thought but of the hunger pains they wish to calm in the shortest amount of time possible.  If you are one of those, then you will sniff at what I say next and it would probably do you well to skip the rest and, say, go eat a Snickers candy bar.

But for those still interested, I have some opinions to share with you.  There are certain foods that are an experience.  And that experience is part and parcel of the whole meal.  It includes the process, if you will.  And, there are certain utensils that must be used in certain applications or you’ll miss the process.  Not all foods or utensils fall into this category.  Some fall into it only occasionally. 

Take grilled hamburgers.  Most of the time, they don’t fall into this category, being a non-issue food done in a sort of non-issue way.  But. Get yourself a couple hundred of them to grill.  Get several grills and a number of guys hanging around.  Get yourself plenty of salt on them and even more pepper. (Some wives take issue with the pepper) Get your grill good and hot and then.  Then they fall into this process.  They are discussed and strategically flipped and positioned on the grill.  Mention is made of how well or not they hold together.  Thought is given to make sure they are done.  Different grilling approaches are discussed.  Finally, take one straight from off the fire, slice it in pieces, and toss a piece of it in your mouth.  In fact, eat enough of them out there by the grill, that you really don’t need any meal when it’s time for the meal.  But then, when you are going through the line with all your grilling buddies, do just like them.  Make yourself a heaping hamburger with two, maybe three patties, bacon, onions, pickles if you care to, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and a splash of barbeque sauce.  Skip the lettuce.  If you have done all this, then this meal falls into a thing called an experience and can be properly rated as such.

I must treat on the subject of discada.  I don’t know how to spell it, so this will have to do.  If some of you haven’t sniffed your way off here by now, you may do so after what I say next.  This isn’t for the hamburger and bacon aficionado.  Those of you who think a discada is strictly made up of such, and I know you are out there, should sign off now.  Because there is a better way.  There is no process to hamburger and bacon.  But.  Go get some beef stew meat.  Get some pork tenderloin.  Get some chicken.  Cube it up into ¾ inch pieces.  Get some onion.  Get some garlic.  Get some green pepper.  Get some tomato.  Get a nice amount of jalapeno.  Get salt, and a fair amount of black pepper.  Now here is where the process begins.  You don’t want to rush the next part.  Gather your friends around your disc and get comfortable.  You’ll be here a while if you are going to do this right.  Throw your meat on, with a half stick of butter.  Slow is the word here.  Cook it slow.  Add the garlic right soon after the meat.  Next the tomato, so they can have disappeared by the time you eat.  You don’t want anything giving you the red eye.  Toss on your green pepper and onion towards the end.  Don’t let them go limp and pass out on you.  Keep a little backbone in them.  This whole process should take around 30 minutes.  It’s important to talk weather and other various and sundry whilst the cooking is being done.  It’s okay, if you are the head cook, to invite suggestions about the cooking process, but don’t let too many of those suggestions ruin your stew.  Because that is what you want it to turn into.  Any less than 30 minutes and you’ve missed a prime process.  Anymore, and you spoiled a prime process.  Serve straight off the disc, with tortilla’s, of course.  You can have cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and some spicy salsa as sides, but if you have done your process right, after the first one, folks won’t even bother to put the sides on.  Yeah, I know some of you like hamburger and bacon.  That’s okay.  But this beats yours all hollow, both in process and experience.

You can’t get a decent iced coffee without the right utensils.  My friend Frank shared the original recipe with me a number of years ago, including utensil selection, and I have improved on it some.  Allow me to share.  In order of importance you will need, a 30 oz Yeti cup, a regular knife like goes beside your plate at supper time, and a straw. (Preferably green or purple) The knife is almost more important than the cup, but not quite.  Of course, we’ll get to the ingredients, as they play a part, but I can’t emphasize enough, the importance of the proper utensils for a good, chilled coffee.  Spoon in two tablespoons of sugar into your Yeti.  I’m not so picky on this part; two is a good place to start. Toss in a scant ¼ teaspoon of Nestle chocolate powder.  Also, a scant ¼ teaspoon vanilla.  Next, head over to your espresso machine.  Be sure to say it esssspresso, not expresso, or the teenagers nearby will snort.  Grind you some fresh beans and get yourself a fresh shot of essspresso. Two shots are fine if you are the type that has umm, yeah, we’ll maybe leave that unsaid.  Pour the espresso over what’s in the bottom of your cup.  Now.  Get the knife.  Mix what’s in the bottom of your cup with the knife until it has all dissolved into a wonderful smelling brew.  The knife helps give it the smell.  Clean up your mess at the espresso machine and shut it off.  Next fill your cup ¾ or a little more with chunky crushed ice.  Fill almost full of 2% milk.  Add cream if you want to gain weight quickly.  Now.  Get the knife again.  Stir this mixture, using a circular, up and down motion like you see the animals do on the merry go round you rode on as a child, or possibly as recent as last week.  Stir until the milk starts changing color.  Here’s where the knife shines.  A spoon would lift that flavor from the bottom of your cup too quickly and leave it in clumps throughout the glass.  A knife does perfectly to get the right mix of flavor, milk and ice. Lastly, snap the lid on and reach for the straw.  Slid it through the drinking slit in the lid.  Sip slowly.  If done properly, you should be able to make this cupful last for a good 4 hours.  Don’t forget to clean the knife; be sure to bestow a few kind words upon it as you do so, as it has been an indispensable article in the process and experience of your drink.